As someone who has actively been working in the realm of Sex Therapy and Relationships for men over the last 5 years, I’ve noticed a trend. Men in general, seem to be giving up on the idea of finding long-term partners and finding the love of their life.

And I say this because the unspoken truth is that dating now feels more like a political interview than it does to see if the other person has potential chemistry. This is especially confusing for men who are above the age of 40, who may be single or who have just become single from a divorce or other circumstances.

And this is because the rules and expectations of dating have changed so much over the last 20 years. I have been on multiple occasions where I have offered to open a door out of kindness. Not as some political stance or agenda.

And quite a few times, I was met with verbal criticism because that gesture somehow implied that she was incapable of opening a door for herself. There is always a reluctance for me to offer to pay for a drink or a meal, as that has also been directly offensive to some females that I have been on dates with.

Most of the time, nothing is directly said verbally. But after the gesture has been made, the vibe of the date progressively goes downhill until you find out at some point that she doesn’t need a man to pay for her. What’s confusing for most men is that they don’t know how to read, or judge the situation to know where they stand.

And most women are perfectly reasonable, but it’s small things like this, that seem to have a huge impact on the overall date which makes things incredibly awkward and uncomfortable later on. I’ve also worked with guys that have been on quite a few dates, where the date was going amazing. Until she found out that he ate meat and didn’t share the same dietary preference as herself.

There have been many situations where I have been on dates where everything has been going perfectly well until politics have been brought up. Up until that point, there was great chemistry and connection. But because I had a slight variance or questioned a perspective of a political stance, it’s like the attraction switch in her head switched off.

Although these do seem like petty or trivial subjects and issues. The problem is that you just never know where to stand when it comes to dating these days men. And often it does feel like walking on eggshells because you just don’t know where you should tread, how far a joke should go, or what opinion you should make on a specific subject.

From the side of females when it comes to dating, they often ask… “Why didn’t he open up to me? Didn’t he feel comfortable with me?” The trouble is that men are expected to be more emotionally open and transparent, but when they do share their own opinions, they will often get shot down for saying what they think.

This is why I’m a huge advocate of why I think dating should be more focused on intimacy and connection, rather than political affiliation. Dating itself has somehow seemingly almost turned into an interview process where you have to check a few boxes. Although I think it is necessary to know what you’re looking for someone, I think the priority should be about how you generally feel about them as opposed to who they voted for in the last election.

It’s also why men that are over the age of 40 struggle so much because dating before the 80s was just about meeting up. Having a light conversation. Having fun and seeing if there was a general connection. But now if you don’t fit exact political, dietary, spiritual or sometimes financial criteria, the opposite sex won’t even consider seeing you again.

In my opinion, I find this very superficial.

Yes, what you’re interested in politically and what you like to eat individually is a part of who you are. But it should not become your whole identity.

Because that makes it impossible for anyone else, but an extremely small percentage of people out there to fit your expectations and needs based on your own opinions and lifestyle.

I am not saying that you need to lower your expectations, but perhaps review the level of priorities when it comes to intimacy and deeper connections. After all, you cannot claim to be non-judgmental because you go to meditation and a yoga studio, then actively attack, dismiss or ignore people who don’t agree with your own opinion.

That in itself is being hyper-critical and judgmental.

What also makes dating so frustrating and confusing for men is that most men are under the impression that they must be the ones to make the first physical move. But you also have many women who say having to ask for permission is a huge turn-off. And you equally have just as many women asking for permission, which is a huge turn-on.

So yes, you have to be able to read the situation and gauge by the individual, but you can never be one hundred per cent sure as to where you stand. And as crazy as this may sound… But men don’t like or want to be rejected. And we do want to play it safe, but even playing it safe can cost you a potential romantic partner, either short-term or long-term.

Ultimately, the lines of dating have become so grey in especially Westernized countries, that I think men, in general, are just very confused about what to do or say when it comes to dating. Which causes this huge frustration, especially when they’re expected to express themselves openly, but will often get shut down just for having a different opinion.